


mm. how about no?

by anony_mouse



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, No proofreading we die like mne, deadpool arguing with the author because the author is too tired to figure out an ending, fourth wall? what fourth wall, fucking you know what??, personally victimized by infinity war, screw this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 19:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anony_mouse/pseuds/anony_mouse
Summary: I fucking hate everything so I'm fixing it. Fight me.





	mm. how about no?

"- but now is no time to mourn." The air shifts and folds, darkening a familiar blue. 

But it's not around Thanos or the gauntlet. In fact, the Titan looks as surprised at the sudden portal as Wanda feels.

"Holy shitballs!" A man in a red suit dives from the portal with a distinct lack of grace.

"What."

"'Lack of grace'?! Rude! I'm here, doing you a favor and you slander me like this?"

The Titan and his erstwhile prey stand in stunned silence as another figure steps from the swirling vortex, holding out a familiar blue cube.

 _"What_."

"Isn't if obvious, grapefuck? Lucky clover and my illustrious self are from another universe with a different set of infinity stones! Well. We call it the cosmic cube because IP and Fox v. Disney and all that, but whatever. Pot-a-to, universe altering mcguffin. Same dif."

"What happened to 'luck not being a superpower'?" The woman holding the cube sighs in the masked man's direction.

"Okay, a of all, it's Deadpool. Everyone knows who we are, so stop trying to be coy. And b of all, I thought we made it clear in our movie that I kind of, sort of, _maybe_ believe in your 'superpower'? There was a whole extended pseudo-action scene and everything," Wade stops and turns to point at Thanos, "Okay wait, hangon. We're getting distracted and the author is pretty sure that you're about to start shit. Dom?"

Domino holds the cube out in Thanos's general direction and through luck and the magic of Denial and Fan Rage, the purple grapefuck dissolves into a karmic pile of satisfying ash-dust.

"Tada!"

"Um?" Steve stumbles onto the scene, eyes wide. Wanda shrugs helplessly at him.

"We're just here cuz the author wants to shoot someone in the face and is fairly certain that getting away with that is impossible at this juncture. So this is plan b. Or maybe plan h. I dunno. Either way, you're welcome. Feel free to use that," Wade points at the guantlet, "to bring back the dead Asgardians and Vision or whatever. And someone should probably get Gamora out of the Soul Stone. Don't know how to do that without Adam Warlock having been introduced yet, but your problem, not ours."

"Who _are_ you?"

"Didn't we cover this already? I'm Deadpool, and that's Domino. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you, you probably won't see us again. This is really just the author's POS feel-good fic that'll probably be published to collect dust and a handful of kudos until Avengers 4 comes out, so as soon as we leave, you can all go about your lives. We're just here to make sure no one gets dissolved. Except Josh's less benevolent, more obnoxious, purple self here of course." Wade kicks disinterestedly at the pile of ash-dust, scattering it to the winds.

Domino tilts her head, clearly bored.

"Yeah yeah. It's not my fault you don't know how to end this."

The portal flares impatiently and Domino considers leaving Wade here to rant at nothing and no one for a while.

"God, you really are impatient today. Yeesh! Bu-bye Disney properties! See you probably never! Don't forget to pick up Peter and the Sherlocks!"

The exhausted Avengers look back and forth between the innocently gleaming guantlet and the masked man talking to himself as he steps into the portal behind his... colleague? friend? interdimensional chauffeur?

"What the hell."

**Author's Note:**

> And that was it, that was the whole thing. They brought everyone back and no one died or was trapped in any soul stones or microdimensions or unexisted or anything. The end.


End file.
